This Friday I had my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon and the facility where I will be having my surgery. I used to dread, DREAD, having to see any medical professional due to the lectures I would get about being morbidly obese. The anxiety I would feel has not left me. I had the same pre-appointment jitters and fears. And you want to know the most surprising thing? Not one person said a single word about still being over 200 lbs. While I sat in bed the day before my appointment body shaming the crap out of myself, my body was still working for me and not against me.
My labs came back in the ideal zone, and while my weight reflects that I am “overweight”, my team never shamed me and was so supportive that I have kept off so much weight over the last two years. They added that I am off every medication, how much they believe this surgery is going to change my life, and that I should be so proud of myself. I realized that I need to change my mental picture of myself. I see my reflection, I see the scale, I see the healthy foods that I eat and I literally tell myself, “You are so unhealthy.” Why, WHY do I allow that talk??
I am in a program right now that is redefining my life. It’s called i365, and it is produced by the most amazingly transparent author, Gary Bishop. The first session was regarding our Bodies. Our perceptions of our bodies, our goals for our bodies, and letting the stupid shit go that makes no logical sense at all. I burned those words and thoughts on New Year’s Eve. I lit that shit UP! It felt so good…until Thursday. I sat down this morning to realign my thoughts, to allow myself to meditate on the why and just let it go.
In short, goodbye fat rolls and extra skin, I won’t be seeing you anymore. On May 11 my mind, body, and soul will be officially moving on to better things.